Self restrain. I think this is the most ultimate quality a person can achieve for himself or herself. Somewhere along the years of my existence, I came to realise my inner self. It didn’t come to me in a single day, but rather a string of occurrences made me stop and think. It was this thinking, constant rationalisation that has moulded me to be the person I am today.

I am not content thinking we are born into this world to grow, work, get married, have babies, make day to day life and die. There is something else... there has to be. Watch one of those space programs and one is left with many questions. Why does all of this majestic reality exist? The grand scheme of things cannot be about deciding what to cook for dinner or which movie to see on a lazy Saturday afternoon.

I have been reading again, trying to go back into the past. I believe the people who lived decades ago were much more in touch with their reality than we are. They knew it so well that they could sense its inadequacies and tried to improve on it. Their thinking and efforts have brought forth our today’s world. You didn’t have to know how it works... just flush the toilet and never have to wonder how it all works (this euphemism is contributed from one of the programs on how our modern day plumbing has come to be, that I had recently watched).

Sadly many of us never do wonder.

Their efforts though valiant in the grand scheme of our present has indirectly made us nothing but insensitive beings, totally in touch with what’s in front of us rather than the mechanics of it all.

I am not content with believing that my world is just 24 hours of everyday things. So, I think, once again... to find ways to look beyond. In my quest, I have come to find a common denominator in these faces from the past. They all seem to be very controlled human beings. If they had a thought, a creative streak, they held steadfast to it. They didn’t give up, let the notion falter and carried on with it till it produced results. It was their confidence, sheer determination and total agreement with their inner voice that made them stand out.

I know that this where my greatest weakness lies. If only I can quieten the mouth and amp up the mind. If only I can think before I say. If only I can learn deep and not be content with just morsels of information to make my existence, I’d be home. If only I can block out all trivial information that flood humans today and pick out the ones that matter into moulding my inner psyche, I can achieve what I long for so passionately, which is to unlock my purpose in life.

I believe here lays the key to a person’s existence and when one finds purpose, one finds path and with path, one finds journey and once the journey has been done with, one finds peace.

Then, and only then, can one say, they have lived the life.

I do not wish you harm, but I do wish I didn’t have to be reminded of you, thoughts of which plant negativity within me.

Will the day come?
Yes, it will, for I will have to make it.